Seeking Shelter

My wife is an avid Les Stroud groupie having seen countless episodes of Survivorman and once kidnapped Les and held him in our basement for seventeen days (he survived on millipedes and water from the dehumidifier).  One thing I learned from Les is to survive in the urban wilds of the north, water, food and shelter are somewhat important.

Water:  Great Slave Lake.
Check.

Food: A&W and their vast selection of family oriented burgers.
Check.

Shelter:  ?

A quick query of the Yellowknife housing market:

Yellowknife starter home:


Yellowknife Fixer-Upper

But seriously this will be the first time my wife and I will be purchasing a domestic abode together.  We  both came into the marriage with our own palaces.  But this time we must make the big decision together.

What we want in a new home:

• Indoor Plumbing
• The thought of running out to an outhouse in minus fifty temperatures in the middle of the night would be daunting for my wife.  I of course would gladly pee in a pot.  But the thought of having at least two bathrooms is a great desire since we've spent the past five years with just one indoor bathroom.  With now 66% of the females and 100% of the males in this household toilet trained the thought of never having to wait in line feels luxurious.  And having an ensuite bathroom would be wonderful as well especially on those nights when it was impossible to turn down that extra helping of baked beans.
• Nice Kitchen
• Our current kitchen serves is small and it serves its purpose but has a wonderful convection gas range and large stainless steel fridge.  The fridge has the capacity of displaying over 73 different art projects on its front doors.  In the new house we would like a decent renovated kitchen with ample cupboard space for our 17,000 different pieces of Tupperware.  The microwave has sat on the top of the fridge for years and requires a stepladder for its quarterly cleanings, so a spot for the microwave would be nice as well.
• Man Cave
• A wonderful space to set up my television and stereo system for late night viewings of science fiction movies and hockey games would be wonderful.  The truth is that this room will end up being filled to the hilt with ponies and Megablocks, while episodes of Scooby Doo or Phineas and Ferb play in digital surround sound in the background.
• Four bedrooms
• A fourth bedroom would be nice for visiting friends and relatives or if we ever wish to take  in a Norwegian exchange student.  When not used as a bedroom, my wife can partake in her sewing projects or I can practice taxidermy.
• Nice Yard
• Looking forward to having a fire pit since we will be able to legally have one up in Yellowknife.  Cannot currently have a fire pit in Midland, Ontario since town officials worry that a campfire might drown out the aroma of cigarette smoke.  Lots of room to run around in circles or trapezoids is also a plus.  Privacy and a property backing onto green space are also favourable.   A fence to keep my daughters in and the boys out is also key.
• Location, Location, Location.
• If possible we would love for our future house to have a location.  Proximity to work, to school, to the pub, and to the trails is paramount.  Not quite sure yet which neighbourhoods are most desirable, but of course any house that my family moves into will drive up surrounding property values (Carly Simon sings faintly in the background).
• Price
• Ideally we would love for someone to give us a house for free since we are really really nice people.  Housing prices are quite high with the current selection that we have been eyeing ranging from 400,000 to 600,000 dollars.  Some of the more expensive ones might require the selling of one of my daughter's kidneys or for me to go back to work in my previous profession as a male gigilo.

So with these considerations let the house hunt begin.....